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One huge problem people who are overly stressed out have is the ability to say ?No? when they need to. Maybe your mother wants you to take Grandma to the store, but you‘re in the middle of a big work project. Perhaps your best friend asks if you wouldn‘t mind babysitting her kids when you‘ve already made plans with yourself to get a haircut.
There‘s no reason why you have to say ?Yes? to everyone. In fact, there are often many times when you should turn them down. If you find yourself agreeing to do things when you really don‘t want to, you‘re a people pleaser. In general, this isn‘t a bad trait to have, but it can be a huge stressor.
People pleasers think of other people‘s needs before their own. They worry about what other people want, think, or need, and spend a lot of time doing things for others. They rarely do things for themselves, and feel guilty when they do. It‘s hard being a people pleaser.
People pleasers hold back from saying what they really think or from asking for what they want if they think someone will be upset with them for it. Yet they often spend time with people who don‘t consider their needs at all. In fact, people pleasers often feel driven to make insensitive or unhappy people feel better - even at the detriment to themselves.
Constantly trying to please other people is draining and many people pleasers feel anxious, worried, unhappy, and tired a lot of the time. They may not understand why no one does anything for them, when they do so much for others -but they often won‘t ask for what they need.
This is the trap I fell into. I found myself always agreeing to do for others but when I needed those same people to help ME out, they were curiously occupied.
A people pleaser may believe that if they ask someone for help and that person agrees, that person would be giving out of obligation, not because they really wanted to. The thinking goes - if they really wanted to help, they would have offered without my asking.
This line of thinking happens because people pleasers themselves feel obliged to help and do not always do things because they want to. Sadly, people pleasers have been taught that their worth depends on doing things for other people.
It‘s painful being a people pleaser – believe me, I know! People pleasers are not only very sensitive to other people‘s feelings, and often take things personally, but they also rarely focus on themselves.
When they do take a moment for themselves, they feel selfish, indulgent, and guilty which is why they are often on the go, rushing to get things done. Because people pleasers accomplish so much and are easy to get along with, they are often the first to be asked to do things - they are vulnerable to be being taken advantage of.