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Regardless of how long you and your spouse have been married, you may have noticed that over time, more and more people have begun to populate your lives. On the other hand, it is possible that you have not even noticed it, or else have not yet realized that it can have a significant impact on your marriage.

While it is a fact of life that your marriage cannot be “an island unto itself,” the influence of other people can often prove to be quite negative.

There are a number of ways in which this problem can occur. You or your spouse may have a family member who likes to meddle, or insists on being included in everything. You or your spouse may have a longtime close friend who displays those same characteristics. Your lives may also be populated by buddies-- the types of people with whom you enjoy various activities, in which your spouse may or may not participate. For many working couples, there is also the addition of co-workers and business associates.

In any normal, healthy adult's life, there are many people other than simply one's spouse. The problem with this can occur when one of the partners finds himself or herself in the position of “divided loyalties”-- who needs more time, who needs more attention, and which subjects and places should be “off limits” to everyone other than one's partner.

If one or both spouses have always been socially active, or extremely close with his or her family-of-origin, this can add to the difficulties. Spouses who have separate friends and separate interests can also encounter problems in knowing where to draw the line.

While it is unreasonable-- and unhealthy-- to expect two individuals to share all of the same associates, it can seriously damage the marital relationship if these other associates demand or receive significantly more time and attention than one's own spouse.

For example, even though spending every Sunday watching the ballgame on television with your buddies can be enjoyable recreation, it becomes intrusive and unfair to your spouse if your buddies take that afternoon pastime to mean that your food supply is up-for-grabs, or that they can simply stay and spend the night at your home whenever they wish to do so.

Similar difficulties can ensue if your parents or siblings feel that your home is theirs, without needing a phone call or an invitation, or if people with whom you associate in business expect your home to be little more than an extension of the workplace.

The problem of divided loyalties often reaches an extreme and places an unnecessary strain on a marriage when one spouse's friends are of the opposite sex. While many people have grown up with platonic friendships and do not see anything unusual about it, it can cause stress under any circumstances but most especially so when the other spouse did not have such arrangements in his or her own background.