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Occasionally, once you have explored assertiveness as part of an action plan for success sometimes the best thing to do is to say no or walk away. For individuals who have a weak first perspective, though, this may be grueling. I believe that this stems from a deep-rooted need for approval.

How would you say no without hurting the other person’s feelings? You’ll be surprised how empathizing individuals can be, if you're polite but firm. Letdowns are a part of life, and most individuals won’t take it the wrong way. Saying no does not mean you don’t love them.

If they don’t like you because you’re sticking up for your own rights (and not out of selfishness), are they somebody you should even be around? They could be immature, using you, or perhaps they’re just not used to your sudden personal power. After all they probably don't know you are working on an action plan and they may need some time to get used to the new you.

Conceive of this. You’re busy at work, and your best friend comes in and calls for an hour of your time to help her out. You can love them and still say “No, I sympathize with your predicament, but I would prefer to finish my work.”

“But you’re so selfish!”

“I comprehend how you may feel that way, but I'd reallyprefer to complete my work. I have a deadline to meet.”

“You A @$A$@$! If you don’t help me, I will get fired!” “I’m sorry, I truly am. But if I don’t complete this, I'll lose MY job.”

Can you see how responding in this way can be the most helpful here? She's your best friend, but you're your best friend as well.

This example may not be the way you decide to handle it - that’s just how I would have answered it.

How would you handle a disagreement between your two best friends? Compromise, maybe, or prioritize? Occasionally you would need to tell them to back down. But that's up to you to choose.

Once again, if a need for acceptance is at the root of your lack of assertiveness, the meditation will assist you enormously. No-one can give you acceptance but you and acceptance and assertiveness are needed for a good success action plan.

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Chapter 7: The Power of Prayer

Summary

Prayer is confidence. Prayer is knowledge. Prayer is belief. Prayer is power.

The Power of Prayer “Prayer is when you talk to God. Meditation is when you listen to God.” - Anon

Prayer is defined as the act of addressing a god or spirit with the intention of asking for something or just worshipping and giving praise to the deity. Scientific studies often explore the ability of prayer to heal the sick and injured. But every evening when we get down to pray, it is we who heal ourselves, bringing our mind, body and soul to an intimate get together.

Some African societies still practice Animism, a tradition wherein plants, rocks, waterfalls and even natural phenomena like rain and thunder are believed to embody divinity. Connecting with spirits is still a strong part of animism today. A shaman listens to these spirits and conveys the messages to his people.

In modern times, an individual has to function as his own personal shaman. The Mind prays to the Soul to heal the Body. In these stressful times, the spiritual and physical selves get alienated and sometimes are not even on speaking terms! In the words of William Inge - “ Prayer gives a man the opportunity of getting to know a gentleman he hardly ever meets. I do not mean his maker, but himself.”

Prayer can be externally focused as in Christian, Islamic and Jewish traditions or internal contemplation as in Buddhism. Praying is also used as a faith healing process to prevent or cure illness. While the efficacy of faith healing is looked at with skepticism by the scientific community, both eastern and western science accepts the ability of prayer and meditation to bring about peace in an individual. Whereas community prayer and ritualized religion requires the devotees to use pre-scripted prayers, each individual can also use his own inner dialogue when he meditates alone. Either way can be quite effective to harmonize the body and soul of the truly devout.

Chapter 8: Oriental Methods of Achieving Balance

Summary

The strength that lies in oriental methods to achieve physical and spiritual balance is irrefutable. Here are some methods, explained.

Oriental Methods of Achieving Balance “Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.” - Chinese Proverb

Oriental culture is rich in spiritual philosophy and practice. Numerous martial arts and meditation techniques have explored the relation between the body and mind for ages.

Meditation is a general term for a state of relaxation wherein one moves beyond routine ‘reflex’ thinking into a higher state of consciousness. Practiced across all religions and communities, this discipline has been found to make changes in the circulatory, brain and respiratory processes of the body and also reduce stress significantly.

Qi Gong (or ch'i kung) is a form of Chinese meditation using slow dance like movements and breath control to stimulate the chi (life force) in the body. Studies show that Qigong improves health and makes the body supple and calms the mind. Compared to Oriental martial arts, this practice focuses more on balancing the ‘chi’. Over 200 million people in the world practice variou s forms of qigong today.

Zen Buddhism is a school of Buddhism which believes that human beings have an inherent body of wisdom within themselves (a Buddha nature), which can be gained and perceived through meditation and experiencing life mindfully. This method focuses on self realization through actual experience rather than depending on scriptures and theoretical knowledge.

Acupuncture is a method of sticking needles on certain meridian points on the body to help the Qi (vital energy) to flow smoothly through the body. Chinese philosophy uses the concept of yin-yang, wherein everything in the world has an opposite that moves in harmony with it. Qi is intangible and is the yang of the body - its tangible counterpart is yin, represented by Blood in the body.

Judo (meaning ‘gentle way’) is a Japanese martial art which generally uses the opponent’s force against him. Though developed as a fighting art, its philosophy extends towards improving its practitioner’s physical and spiritual health. Its founder was Jigoro Kano who believed that judo could also maximize efficiency in everyday life outside the martial arena.

Chapter 9: Achieving Balance through Yoga

Summary

Why has the world warmed up to Yoga all of a sudden?

Achieving Balance through Yoga “The meaning of our self is not to be found in its separateness from God or others, but in the ceaseless realization of Yoga, of Union.” - Rabindranath Tagore, Indian Poet

The first image that yoga often brings to our mind is that of complicated postures and exercises. But Yoga means Union. The word yoga comes from the Sanskrit verb ‘yuf, and means "to control"or "to unite".Yoga uses breathing techniques, exercises and meditation to achieve a balance between our physical and spiritual form. Through yoga, one can achieve a total overhaul of the body and spirit and help in maintaining a calm and peaceful state throughout the day.

In traditional Hatha Yoga, one gets into specific asanas or postures and stays in that pose for some minutes. These Yoga asanas tone up all the organs of the body and facilitate a harmonious coordination between all the systems of the body. Thus the muscles, joints and nerves are strengthened and the circulatory, digestive and breathing systems are also stimulated.

Breathing in particular is enhanced by increasing lung capacity. Tight clothes and work stress cause our breathing to be shallow. Yoga teaches how to use the entire breathing system - the lungs, chest, diaphragm and abdomen - to take in more of the life-giving oxygen, thus charging the body and spirit with vital energy.

Proper breathing also balances our frame of mind. Anger makes breathing sharp and shallow. Peace brings about deep and healthy breathing. Fear can make us hold our breath and almost suffocate. The ‘pranayama’ technique involves balancing the ‘prana’ (breath or life-energy) by proper breathing and posture.

The practice of yoga involves less risk of joint or tissue injury, lower calorie consumption, focus on internal awareness and optimized effort as compared to

other forms of exercises and aggressive sports. The physiological, psychological and bio-chemical benefits of yoga are well documented.

You don’t need any kind of expensive equipment or facilities to practice yoga. All you need to bring to the practice is your ‘mind, body and spirit’ along with loads of discipline and a strong desire to achieve a physical-spiritual balance.

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The next step in making friends is most crucial. You have begun meeting people, actually, you do see a lot of people with your common interests all around you. Probably each and every one of them is a potential future friend. But, now the task is upon you to approach them. You have to break the ice with them, so to speak.

This is a difficult job, more so when you consider that the first impression is the only impression that matters. If you set out on a wrong foot, it isn’t going to bode well.

Be relaxed. First of all, don’t take this so seriously. Think about what happens if your friendship does strike a chord. You are going to share the most intimate details with each other, probably. You are going to be very comfortable hanging out with each other. Picture that in your mind. Now, that makes you much more confident about meeting this person, doesn’t it?

First of all, don’t approach the person at the wrong time. If you see them doing something else, it’s not the right time. But if they are waiting alone, or even if they are with a group of friends that they are comfortable with, it could be a good time to approach them.

Be very, very casual. Don’t pretend to do anything, just be what you are. Ask if you can join them first, and you will be almost certainly invited. Don’t plan on any speech in advance. Let it just flow. The best way to open a conversation is to give just one casual comment about what’s happening. “The class went too long, didn’t it?”, “It’s a good time of the year, I think”, “Did you agree with that?”, etc. are good openers. Don’t begin with impertinent questions like, “Why are you here?” and “Who are you waiting for?” Be tactful. Be general. Don’t speak about yourself too much.

This question is just a feeler. When you ask your initial question, the person will almost certainly respond, but it is the weight of the answer that should be your deciding factor. Is the answer short, almost to the point of snappy? That means the person doesn’t appreciate your presence. Move elsewhere. Is the answer friendly, but not interested? That means the person has something else in their mind rather than talking with you at the moment. Politely excuse yourself and wait for another time them. Is the person very enthusiastic about you being there and gives you a very detailed answer, asking some questions of their own? You have it made then, indulge in great conversation with them.

When you meet a new person, your nervousness lasts just one question. Once you have made your initial comment, the response sets you immediately at ease, whether it is positive or negative. If it is positive, you become more comfortable speaking with that person and if it is negative, you can easily excuse yourself and look for friends elsewhere. Hence, it is no big deal really. Breaking the ice is not much of a problem.