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Chapter 3: Developing Healthy Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries in your life can often be fraught with difficulties because you're dealing with so many different personalites - those of your coworkers, family members, spouses and friends. All of these people have different expectatons of you and some may cross healthy boundaries.

If you haven't set certain boundaries for yourself, stress, bad feelings, breakup of a relatonship and anger may occur when you change. It's important that you know how to set boundaries for yourself and which are most important to you, but it's also important to know how to deal with the reactons of others to the boundaries you've set.

You have rights that need to be respected - to be able to say "No," when you want to and to expect courtesy from others. It's your right to let the phone go to voicemail, ignore email for awhile or not answer a queston if you don't want to. Think about your current boundaries. Are you saying "Yes," when you'd rather say no - or are you using anger or nagging to get your way rather than expectng others to recognize and respect your boundaries?

If you're experiencing anger and disrespect from others not adhering to your boundaries, you may need to rethink how you communicate with others. Keep in mind that boundaries aren't meant to punish others - but are set in place for your own protecton.

Setting boundaries works best when you don't shout or nag, but remain calm and collected when you carry out compliance to the boundaries you've set. Speaking your mind and sePng limits for others requires you to make yourself the main priority and not be afraid of the consequences of protectng yourself.

How to Develop and Set Healthy Boundaries

Developing and sePng healthy boundaries help you lead a very healthy life. It's a skill that may not have been learned in childhood or even far into your adult life. It may take a professional coach or counselor to help you along the path of boundary-building if it's a new and scary concept for you.

First, you've got to know and understand yourself and your own boundaries. Basically, any situation which makes you feel uncomfortable or that you regret later on requires that you reset - and follow through with - your current boundaries.

If you periodically find yourself becoming "soft" on your boundaries and it's making a difference in how much you're enjoying your life and feeling that you garner respect from others - it's tme to rethink your boundaries and set ones which you're comfortable with.

It may help you to write down some boundaries which you feel are "non-negotable" and work from those. Be clear when you describe what it would take to cross that boundary. Also, think about how you'll handle the situaton if that boundary is crossed so there will be no queston or arguing about the subject.

For example, if you have a coworker who crosses your boundary of touching, it's tme to set the boundary and clarify it to yourself and the coworker. A pat on the back may be acceptable, but hugging may not. In some instances, all touching might be off limits with this person and/or others.

Knowing your personal limits on what you can tolerate - or not - is an important part of how you'll develop and set boundaries you can live with. Consider the following tps when developing and sePng boundaries and how you'll cope with reactons from others.

Know thyself - When you're tuned in to your feelings about boundaries, you'll soon discover exactly what's bothering you about certain situatons.

What are you resentful about - or what makes you uncomfortable about an issue? The more you know yourself and what makes you feel as you do, the better able you'll be to set the boundaries which will be most important to you.

Ponder your past - What, if anything, in your past has led to feelings that your boundary has been broken? Perhaps you weren't respected as a child or in a job after you became an adult. If you learned how to deal with it by accepting the behavior, you likely feel anger or resentment now. Write down all you can remember about what may have happened in your past to make your boundaries weak and unacceptable.

Ponder your present situations - Are your relatonships healthy with spouse, family and friends? If not, which situatons may need new boundaries which demand respect and that will protect your physical and emotonal well-being? Ignoring your needs can keep you drained and might eventually affect your health.

Make yourself the main priority - Your energy, health and peace of mind must come first or you won't be able to effectvely help and deal with others. When you practce self-care, you're giving yourself the opportunity to be the best spouse, mom, coworker or friend you can be. If you're not taking care of yourself, you'll have certain cues such as lack of energy, anger and mistrust of others.

Know that you deserve to have boundaries - Give yourself the permission you need to set and enforce your personal boundaries. There's no need to feel guilty about enforcing boundaries. You have every right to the selfrespect you deserve and every right to demand that others give you the same respect.

Be firm and direct with those who cross your boundaries - Some people will welcome your newly set boundaries and see it as a good thing for you. Others will rebel, get their feelings hurt and you may possibly run the risk of losing a friendship, marriage or cause rifts at work or between family members. As long as you're firm and direct about your needs, you are in the "right" and others should respect that.

Learn to be assertive - When it comes to your healthy boundaries, you may have to push the "assertiveness" button more than you ever have before. After you've communicated what your boundaries are, be assertive in protecting those boundaries. People can be like children - once you let them get away with a little bit, they try your patience more. Communicate with the trespassing person in an assertive manner.

Developing and sePng appropriate boundaries will protect your self-esteem and keep you from expending time and energy on people and things which ultimately drain you and keep you angry and frustrated.

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Advanced Visualization Techniques

The following are several advanced creative visualization techniques that are useful to individuals who are familiar and comfortable with the enAre visualizaAon process. As always, these techniques are suggesAons that you may tailor to fit your own preferences.

A Glass of Water

Some people, especially those who visualize before sleep, will keep a glass of water on their nightstand or next to their beds. Upon awakening in the morning, they will drink this glass of water. This act reminds them that they are open to the universe and are able to receive what is sent their way. While certainly not a requirement, the galls of water technique provides a symbolic mnemonic that keeps the visualizer's eye on the prize.

Is What You Want Really What You Believe You Need?

Many people who visualize feel that if a certain visualized objecAve is not achieved it is because the desired object didn't jibe with that individual's personal beliefs. In other words, if you try and obtain something that is not consistent with your moral beliefs you will not be able to get it. Visualizing bad or evil outcomes fall squarely into this category. The universe seems unwilling to help foster negaAve energy. In fact, some visualizers believe that if you try and visualize a negaAve outcome for someone else, that desired negaAvity will actually rebound back on you.

It Is Polite to Say Thank You

GraAtude and contentment are important aspects of creaAve visualizaAon. When you are visualizing an outcome, especially when you are bringing it into your present reality, it is important to feel a sense of thankfulness. After all, you are asking for, and working towards, a personal goal. The benefit if this goal will be yours alone. It stands to reason that any visualization of this goal being achieved should be accompanied by appropriate emotional responses.

Takeaways for This Section

Using a glass of water to symbolize receptivity is useful when visualizing a goal;

Avoid visualizing negative outcomes and results;

Gratitude and contentment are important components of any successful visualization.

Many people use the process of creative visualization for personal ends. Often this involves material objects. Now make no mistake, there is nothing wrong with material objects or desiring certain objects in your life. However, creatve visualizaton is capable of manifestng much more in your life than a new TV, phone or automobile.

When used properly, creatve visualizaton can literally work miracles. You see, often when we believe in something strongly enough that belief can move mountains. This is the real power of creatve visualizaton. The belief in a certain outcome can literally alter behavior, emotonal response and even physical abilites.

In the 1980's a man by the name of Morris Goodman was involved in a plane crash that left him completely paralyzed and unable to breathe without a ventlator. His doctor's prognosis was bleak. His family was informed that it was unlikely that he would ever breathe on his own again, let alone walk. Prior to the plane crash, Goodman was a very successful insurance salesman who regularly practced creatve visualizaton.

While he was in the hospital, Goodman was able to communicate with family and medical staff by blinking his eyes. He told them that he fully intended on walking out of the hospital on his own two feet. The medical staff dismissed this as completely impossible.

Everyday Goodman visualized himself breathing on his own and walking on his own. In great detail he visualized the route he would take when leaving the hospital, the people he would pass and the amazed look on their faces. HE devoted himself completely to this objectve.

One day, Goodman said that he had a great urge to breathe on his own. He steeled himself and with effort he began breathing on his own. From that point on, the progress of his recovery was amazing. He regained full use of his limbs and a short Ame later he did indeed walk out of the hospital under his own power.

Morris Goodman became known as "The Miracle Man". He conAnued his successful career in insurance sales. He also became a highly sought after moAvaAonal speaker. He often ends his presentaAon by saying to the audience that a "person becomes what they think about".

Morris Goodman is not an anomaly. There are countless people out there in the world, just like you, who have harnessed the power of creaAve visualizaAon to achieve personal goals. These goals range from weight loss, to addicAon recovery and more. The point is that when creaAve visualizaAon is used on a regular basis and with a posiAve abtude and willingness to act then nothing is impossible. The power of the human mind is an amazing thing. All that it takes to uAlize that power is a willingness to believe and receive.

Conclusion

This brings us to the end of our look into the power and practice of creative visualization. It's been an interesting and enlightening journey. You've learned about the basics of visualization, including what it is and how it works and why it's important in your own life. You've learned about the specific steps involved in the creative visualization process, including how to address some very important preliminary issues before you even consider beginning any visualization program. You've looked at a couple advanced visualization techniques that can enhance your success and bring you even more positive outcomes. Finally, we've looked at creative visualization in action and how it can work even in the most seemingly hopeless situations. Now, the ball is in your court. It's time for you to begin your own journey using your knowledge of creative visualization to make your wildest dreams and biggest hopes a reality.